


Handsome

by JackyM



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Carlos is a Good husband, M/M, SWEET BOYS!!!!!!, cecilos - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2019-08-04 16:42:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16350329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JackyM/pseuds/JackyM
Summary: Cecil is just as handsome as Carlos, though it can be difficult for him to see that, because he can't look in mirrors.





	Handsome

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NikiPaprika](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NikiPaprika/gifts).



> AH OKAY SO in a chat with Niki we got to talking about Carlos describing Cecil's appearance since he can't look at himself in the mirror and omg...I totally had to write this! And it was a super sweet thing to write, I really enjoyed it! <3

Carlos was handsome. 

  
Cecil was in love with his physical form, and every aspect of it. He loved Carlos, and loved how his existence manifested in the form he had. He loved Carlos’ sharp jawline and artful black curls. They naturally curled like the fronds of a lush fiddle horn fern, so sweet and soft. And yet, his hair never snagged when Cecil ran his hands through it, instead happily wrapping around his fingers when he tousled Carlos’ hair. When he first met Carlos, Cecil had said Carlos’ beautiful thick hair was perfect. He knew now that it wasn’t perfect. It got matted when Carlos went to bed, knotting into a fluffy mess. It got snagged in buttons and zippers sometimes. Its denseness made Carlos incredibly hot sometimes, making the back of his neck sweat and drenching the nape of his neck. It was far from perfect. It was perfectly imperfect and human, and Cecil loved it so much. He would lie down and feel Carlos’ wavy, curly hair for hours, just feeling the silky texture of it and sitting in a state of sensory bliss.

  
The way that beautiful black hair was all over Carlos, too, painting entire body with fine, soft hair that made Cecil forget to breathe for a few moments. Carlos’ physique was made up of curves of softness. The softness of his body gave warmly whenever Cecil embraced him and took in the familiar scent of him. When they snuggled closely in bed, Cecil felt so, so comfortable feeling Carlos’ gentle, soft, heavy, pleasantly warm body pressed against his. In moments like that, he could hardly believe how someone’s wonderful characteristics somehow drifted into their appearance.    
Carlos was handsome. So handsome.

  
Cecil was not so sure if that adjective would be used to refer to himself, in any context. He had been in relationships before that ended less than amicably, and he had to wonder how much of it had to do with his appearance. He wasn’t sure what made him less than attractive, but it had to be something.    
But feeling self-conscious about one’s appearance is an odd issue to handle when one isn’t sure what they look like to begin with. Cecil had a vague idea, from old photographs and selfies and candid shots taken by Carlos. But he didn’t know how he really looked, to someone else just looking at him, without a camera to compress his three-dimensional countenance into a computer file. Some aspects of appearance is lost in those, after all. Cecil didn’t know if there were small, unattractive things in his face that added up to an overall lack of handsomeness. If he could look in mirrors, maybe he might know, but…he couldn’t. He absolutely couldn’t.

  
So Cecil tried to live with not knowing what he really, actually looked like, and not knowing what Carlos saw when snuggled close to him. For all he knew, he was nowhere near as handsome as Carlos, and so much less attractive of Carlos. So much less deserving to him. He turned Cecil’s stomach in knots thinking about being naked with Carlos and Carlos seeing his body and feeling disappointment, disappointment in a problem Cecil couldn’t even see.   
Cecil was in his pajamas, but Carlos was still naked. He’d meant to get into his own pajamas after a shower, but Cecil’s awed gasp at his body and tiny squeak upon seeing how Carlos’ body hair covered almost every inch of his body. And Carlos just giggled, and slid down next to Cecil on the bed, rolling over to face his flustered radio host. Cecil reached out a hand, about halfway, hesitating, wondering if it was alright to touch him, to feel all of that hair, and Carlos took the hand and placed it on his chest, smiling. 

  
Cecil spent almost half an hour feeling Carlos’ hair, smoothing the hair on his body and swirling his fingers through the wonderful, lush hair on his head. 

  
“You’re beautiful,” murmured Cecil, leaning forward to kiss Carlos’ cheek, “just so, so beautiful.”

  
“You are too.”

  
Carlos also leaned forward, and pressed a kiss into Cecil’s nose. Cecil knitted his brows together, and smiled, shaking his head.

  
“Noooooo. Not as beautiful as you.”

  
“Hey,” said Carlos, firmly, but without anger, “that’s not true. You’re very beautiful and handsome. As beautiful and handsome as me.”

  
“I heard once, Carlos, that some of your appearance is lost in pictures. And, well. Well. I…I’ve never seen myself in a mirror. Or any reflection. They all…start flickering at some point or another, and I can’t. I can’t. I’ve never been completely happy with how I look in pictures, so…I’ve never thought my actual appearance would make any improvements. I don’t think I’ll look good enough for you.”

  
“But you will,” said Carlos, holding Cecil’s face in his hands, “and everyone looks beautiful, if they are a wonderful person. Especially if they’re as wonderful a person as you. People as wonderful as you are so beautiful and handsome. And they also have the most wonderful, deep, rich, baritone honey voice. Nobody deserves the award of Night Vale’s Sexiest Voice more than you. I think that nobody deserves The World’s? The Solar System? The Galaxy’s? Sexiest Voice more than you.”

  
“Aww, sweetheart,” mumbled Cecil, burying his face into Carlos’ shoulder. He didn’t say anything, but Carlos reached out and placed his hand on the back Cecil’s head, rubbing him there. 

  
“If you want,” whispered Carlos, resting his head against Cecil, “I could tell you what you look like.”

  
Cecil pulled his head away from the warmth and softness of Carlos’ shoulder, and looked at Carlos quizzically.

“What?”

“You know,” said Carlos, putting a hand on Cecil’s cheek, “describe your appearance. Everything I see when I look at you. Scientists are incredibly thorough and objective in their observations in the world around them. It is an important part of being a scientist to notice every little detail and quality that something has.”

“I...well,” Cecil’s gaze drifted from Carlos’, “I mean, I don’t want you to feel like you have to be nice and tell me how I look. Again I...I sort of know. I guess it’s just the small details I don’t know about.”

“Those are what I’d be looking at, Ceece. The small details about your face that can only be seen when looking at you closely. There are a lot of things to notice.”

“I just don’t want to be weird,” mumbled Cecil, looking at Carlos again and snaking his hand through their closely pressed together bodies so that it rested in Carlos’.

“It’s not weird, Ceece. I promise.”

“It’s not weird that I can’t...that I can’t look in a mirror? And people have to...have to  _ tell me _ how I look, because I can’t do something that easy?”

“It’s not easy if it’s something you struggle with, sweetie.”

“That’s a good point,” here Cecil squeezed Carlos’ hand, and sighed, “if you...if you want you can...you can tell me, Carlos. I do want to hear it. I just don’t want to bother you with this.”

“I love you, and love helping people, which means, scientifically speaking, according to science and logic and all, that I love to help you.”

“You mean it?”

“I mean it.”

Carlos cupped Cecil’s face in his hands a few moments later, looking at him with a lot of focus, but clearly without scrutiny. Cecil felt his heart flutter just looking at those intelligent brown eyes of Carlos’, observing and analyzing the way scientists always do. 

“You have such cute cheeks,” began Carlos, pressing his fingers into Cecil’s cheeks and sending shivers down his arms, “they’re so soft and they’re just the cutest thing I have ever seen. It just makes your face look so warm and welcoming. As though it lets everyone who can see you know that you are a  _ really  _ sweet man. The sweetest, even. There is some acne scarring, but Ceece, I love that, too. They just make your face look even more kissable and cute. I see wrinkles and scarring and blemishes and it reminds me that this is a human I share my life with. This is a human that I have intertwined my existence with, like a network of roots, and it just makes me so happy to see how years of existence coalesce into such a wonderful and handsome man.”

“And then...then there is your nose, Ceece, and I love that too. It is big, yes, but that is why I love it. It is perfectly shaped for kissing. Like a lock and key model for an enzyme and catalyst. Your nose is just designed for kisses. That is not me talking. That is science talking. Your nose, at a cellular level, is made for kisses.”

“Oh, Ceece, and then there are your eyes. They’re so beautiful. So talkative. It seems like they are always talking, like you. They way they light up when you are happy about something makes me so happy. Your smile and eyes makes me feel so in love with you, Cecil, like I have never seen your smile and eyes before in my life. It feels safe, Ceece. And it feels like home.”

Carlos took a deep breath, and gently pressed a kiss into Cecil’s neck, making Cecil feel a rush of warmth and excitement, as though Carlos hadn’t kissed him there before, countless times. His kiss was so soft and gentle, it felt more like a flutter of lips and tongue than a kiss. Cecil made a small noise in the back of his throat, and hummed in response.

“I really love this, too. The way I can feel your voice in your neck. I love how much it resonates and how it feels. I just love your voice so much, Cecil. I love being able to feel it. Being able to feel your body making use of air and molding it into something that sounds so wonderful, so deep and handsome. The way I can feel your voice when you are laughing or even just making little noises when your position shifts makes me so happy, Ceece.”

Cecil pressed his forehead into Carlos’, his words too choked to form coherent sentences. Instead, he planted a kiss on Carlos’ nose. He felt Carlos’ hands drift to his shoulders, and Cecil, very delicately, started unbuttoning his pajama shirt. When Carlos saw this, he smiled, and began helping Cecil, taking off the shirt button by button and sighing dreamily at the sight of Cecil shirtless. He dragged his first knuckle across his chest, feeling the soft skin there, the blanket of hair there, less dense than his own hair. His skin, a shade lighter than Carlos’, was smooth and soft, and was rising and falling his Cecil’s breathing. 

“So hot and handsome,” he mumbled, meeting Cecil’s gaze, “I just cannot believe how handsome you are.”

“This feels...nice,” came Cecil’s voice, heavy and awestruck. Cecil thought briefly about expanding on that statement, but decided against it. The way Carlos was gently feeling his body told him Carlos already knew what he was going to say. He loved to say things, but the idea that Carlos could tell what he was going to say before he said it made his heart flutter.

“I do really love your chest,” came Carlos’ voice, “I think it it is really comforting, Cecil. I love how it smells...it smells like you. Like home. That is why I like resting my head on your chest so much. Because it is so comforting. I can feel your voice and breath deep in your chest, too, and can feel you doing a thrilling thing called existing every moment. Your arms and legs are the same way. I love feeling your arms when they drift to my chest, and love feeling your legs when you lie down on me. They’re so firm and strong, but so soft at the same time. And they’re so beautiful, Cecil. The scars and the stretch marks say so much about your existence, and all that you have experienced until this point. And I love you so much, and respect you so much, for all of it.”

Cecil felt Carlos’ fingers drift down towards his midsection, and he felt a tug of nervousness. Certainly, he had always been self-conscious about his appearance in general, but his weight had always been a focal point. 

“You’re still really hot and handsome here,” Carlos said, as though answering his thoughts, “I know how you feel about it, Cecil, but I mean it. I love you so much. Any way that you look would be incredibly handsome to me. I love how you look, so much.”

“I don’t know,” Cecil deflected, nervously, “I think sometimes I’d be easier to love if I worked out or something. If maybe I did  _ something  _ about this. I mean, I’ve gained weight since we started dating, and I’ve done nothing but worry. I wish I could be like you, and not worry about this kind of thing, but...I do.”

“It’s okay to feel self-conscious, honey,” said Carlos, tracing Cecil’s stretch marks with his fingers, “but I also don’t think that you need to feel self-conscious about this.”

“No?”

“Mmm-mmm,” Carlos shook his head, “weight is just your mass’ gravitational relationship with the earth. All it does is show how hard the earth is pulling you down. Weighing more just means that the earth is pulling a little harder.”

“That’s a nice way of looking at it...it makes me feel like the earth needs to do more to acknowledge my existence. Like...something about me, about my existence, has changed, so the earth needs to respond accordingly.”

“Yes! That is exactly it! And your physical appearance just reflects the fact that something has changed in your existence.”

“I guess there’s more of me to love, too,” said Cecil, watching Carlos’ fingers stroking his stomach, “and I guess this all happened once I started dating you. Once I started to be with someone who makes me so, so happy. I do worry sometimes, but...I don’t know, at the same time, I’m not that worried. I feel...I feel comfortable like this, too. Maybe I’m just worried about feeling comfortable, but I don’t think I need to be. I mean, you’re just so happy and excited by how you look, and that’s always been inspiring, Carlos.”

“Aww. Stop.”

“I mean it,” Cecil took Carlos’ free hand and kissed it, “I feel like I can be like you. Like I can carry a lot of extra weight and feel comfortable and happy about it. Because you are. You are every day. It’s part of why I love you so much. The way you love your appearance as much as I do makes me think that, well, logically, according to logic and science, that you love my appearance just as much as I do. So I have no reason to not love how I look, right?”

“Y-yeah,” breathed Carlos, blushing at the scientific words coming from Cecil’s mouth, “that is exactly it!”

“In a way, Carlos, I’m glad I don’t look how I looked when I was...well, when I was a lot younger. Whenever that was, and however that looked. I don’t think I would have been particularly comfortable to snuggle with back then. A lot of people said it was like embracing a skeleton and all too pointy. I really love how now, there’s nothing but softness between us. It just makes everything feel so...relaxed. Soft. Pleasant. It makes me feel so substantial and happy.”

“Oh, Cecil,” whispered Carlos, bringing both this hands around Cecil’s and planting kisses on his fingers, “I love you so much...and I love seeing you this happy.”

“I still worry sometimes. But...it’s getting easier. A lot easier. It’s so enthralling, Carlos. Suddenly feeling content with how you look. The way you’ve described how I look to me…I don’t know, I just...I believe it. I know that what you are saying is the absolute truth. Maybe it’s just what you said about scientists being objective. And maybe it’s just because I love you. Whatever it is, Carlos…”

Cecil trailed off, and Carlos squeezed Cecil’s hand again, and shook it slightly.

“Mmm-hmm?”

“Whatever it is, Carlos,” said Cecil, resting his head on Carlos’ and feeling that soft head of sweet smelling hair, “whatever is is, I believe you. I may not know exactly how I look, but I do know what you see, when you look at me. I can’t look in a reflective surface, and that’s always made me worry that there’s something about my appearance I’m not seeing. Something off-putting that shoves people away. I used to worry all the time about that. Even when we started dating, I worried at first that there might be something about how I looked that you wouldn’t like, something I couldn’t see for the life of me. But right now...god, Carlos, that just feels so ridiculous.”

“It is more than okay to feel nervous about how you look, Ceece. But there is nothing I dislike about how you look. I love all of it. That’s the thing about hot people. Every part of them is hot. Drop-eternal-stasis sexy, really.”

“Stop,” mumbled Cecil with a soft and playful shove at Carlos with his free hand, “why are you just too sweet for words, hmm?”

“Because I love you, and by extension, love the appearance that you have. That love isn’t a fact. It’s more like...a hunch, an observation, then hypothesis. A hypothesis that develops into a series of decisions and experiments made on those initial hunches and observations. All I am telling you is the observations I am making, the observations based on this feeling I have for you. Maybe those observations are scientific and objective, Ceece, but the feelings I have are so far beyond that. So different from the constraints of facts and logic. The way I feel when I look at you is all love. Not science.”

Cecil didn’t say anything. 

Instead, he leaned forward, and pressed his lips into Carlos’. He let his body slide forward, holding himself up with his free hand and letting Carlos hold his other one. He didn’t worry about how he looked, in those brief moments where his soft mouth closed around Carlos’. Right then, right there, he knew how he looked, and it was handsome as ever. 

Handsome.

Just like Carlos.


End file.
